Where fun is forgotten
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What's the one stereotype about Ottawa that annoys you the most? For me, it's the idea that we're a city that needs saving by the rest of the country.
A Sun Media survey reported on in Sunday's paper tells the tale of provincial biases. People in Alberta and Manitoba believe that Ontarians are self-centred people, Ontarians feel that people from Quebec are hostile to non-French speakers, and more.
But what if we compiled the biases and stereotypes Canadians hold about our city, which ones would annoy you the most?
"They roll up the sidewalks at five o'clock." "It's the city that fun forgot." "They're a bunch of navel-gazers who don't raise their heads out of a five-block radius." In fairness, when it comes to elected representatives on the Hill, that last one is likely true.
Implicit in these stereotypes is the idea that Ottawa even needs saving. Saving from itself. Saving from the boredom of our dreary lives. And, most importantly, saved by others. The perennial victim. Tormented by our own cultural dimwittedness.
Globe and Mail national affairs columnist Jeffrey Simpson lamented last month that the many "neglected opportunities" in Ottawa prove "this government has shown zero interest in Ottawa as a national capital."
Enter the National Capital Commission's Horizon 2067 roadshow, in which our fourth layer of government went cross country to ask Canadians what they want to see out of our city.
Many of the answers from our fellow countrymen Ñ who, remember, consider us Ontarians self-centred Ñ were the typical bland and politically correct ideals which is precisely what we need to be saved from, if in fact we're to be saved from anything.
More diversity! Pavilions to honour each of the provinces! More museums! More monuments! And, um, well, don't forget to include diversity and museums.
Frankly, were Tony Clement to offer one of his notorious gazebos for Dundonald Park, I'd urge us to take a pass. It's not the lack of government intervention that's the problem but Ñ contra to the whole point of the Horizon 2067 plan Ñ it's the fact government has its fingers in our cultural pot enough already.
I'm not implying public servants aren't real people but ... OK, who am I kidding, yes, I am implying that.
Obviously they're real people before nine and after five, but during the business day their terms of employment obligate them to strip away common sense and put on the robocrat thinking cap. The most damaging of said cap's knee-jerks is that as soon as we hone in on a problem, a government solution must fill the vacuum.
Whereas methinks most bureaucrats in their heart of hearts know that if a dearth of fun is the problem, government is the last Ñ let's repeat that Ñ LAST place we should be going to for an electrifying answer. (Apologies to the three of you who would sincerely find provincial pavilions more fun than rock concerts or rock climbing.)
There's a reason why the phrase 'government town' generally carries a negative connotation. And I promise you the troublemaker word is not Ôtown'.
Lest my quote from Simpson seem like a drive-by, I actually think he Ñ who's no ivory tower Toronto columnist, but a local and a die-hard Sens fan to boot Ñ honed in on the solution: "Things get done fast and with more verve when private individuals press for action."
And while he's to some degree referring to those who shout loudest for government intervention, I hope there's also room for private sector innovation.
Perhaps what's most telling of all from the Sun Media survey, though, is the fact that many respondents across Canada believe stereotypes held against them are largely true.
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